Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
