I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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