maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
