it wasn't lemon gatorade
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
