This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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