I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
