And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
