I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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