Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
