2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
