bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
