Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
