your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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