his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
