i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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