Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
