i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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