She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You are a genius and a whore.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
