Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
