The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
