like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
