It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
