I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
