You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
