i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
