I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
