I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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