but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
