Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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