wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Enjoy the penises
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
