Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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