this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
