I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
