if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
