On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
