honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
