Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
