thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
