Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
