so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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