But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
