what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
