Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
