I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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