is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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