Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
