i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
