burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's the barista slut.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
