Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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