Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
