is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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