so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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